Wait This Doesn't Work (Heaven)

So I watched The Green Mile recently (see previous blog, mention of Mr.Jingles), and in the movie there was a scene that sparked a thought.

Tom Hanks is talking to this Indian prisoner, about to die on Death row. The Indian says: "People say heaven is when you return to a time when you were happiest. I used to live with this girl on a mountain, and we would make love and it was fun etc".

I was like "aw that's tender," but then I thought about it.

Hypothetically, a kid, age 3, gets hit by a car, and goes to Heaven. We assume that he goes to a time when he had many happy memories, but think about this: The kid has a mental deficiency, he doesn't know what happiness is. Disabled, I don't know. What memories does he have? What good times are there? Nothing! He's a baby!

okay enough. Now look at this theory.

People have told me (and its been enacted in the cinema plenty of times) that you enter heaven the age you die. If you are 40, and you die, you enter Heaven as a 40 year old. What if you die at 40, but your father died at 16 (improbable but possible). You go to Heaven, you see dad.

"Dad?"

"Who the fuck are you gtfo"

"Oh, I thought you were my dad"

"No, I'm 16 you ninny."

You're in Heaven with your father, but you're 24 years older than he is. It doesn't work.

Another idea. You live to be 60, but around age 30 you get in a coma and suffer severe brain damage and you are a vegetable until death. In Heaven, do you enter as you were when you died? Look at you: fat, unhealthy, inflamed prostate and no memory of what happened to you. That doesn't make sense either.


I know none of this is supposed to make sense (Heaven is up for debate), it's just fun to look at why these theories don't work. I'm not saying I believe, I'm saying the different versions don't work out.


I suppose Heaven is some sort of personal euphoric high that doesn't make sense yet doesn't recognize that you had family or even existed, like a random dream with no characters but lots of plot.